Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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