Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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