Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
