dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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