Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
