I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
