Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
