She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize