I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
