so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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