I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
