Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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