I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
