did you get engaged???
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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