Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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