Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!

(1-650): View more from California

noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!

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(586): View more from Michigan

When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.

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(347): View more from New York

She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her

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(316): View more from Kansas

He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.

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(217): View more from Illinois

You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.

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(253): View more from Washington

At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.

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(928): View more from Arizona

The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife

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