there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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