im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
