She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
