I think I died a long time ago.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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