It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
