I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
