I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize