"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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