I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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