we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
