I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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