Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I stole a fireplace last night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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