i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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