We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How does one acquire holy water?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
