apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
