My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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