I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
