We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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