Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
