So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
