I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
