Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
