eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
