you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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