never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
