i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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