Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
