Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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