Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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