last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
