My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
