I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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