Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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