I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wakey wakey hands off snakey
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
