im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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