TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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