The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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