It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
