You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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