i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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