Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
