Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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