WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
