upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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