you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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