when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
