i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
