i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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