It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
