I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
