Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
