he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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